Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
