just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize