I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You need a sexual gate keeper
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
