You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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