I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Small penises have feelings too.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
