that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
