Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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