I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
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I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There r osticjed everywhere
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
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I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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