then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
