There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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