my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You ruined the universe
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
