Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
