I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize