Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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