In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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