Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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