I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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