I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
