Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
