Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
