i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think your dad took our porno
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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