Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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