I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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