I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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