Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
