I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
