I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
