She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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