i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
