Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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