At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
