Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
