He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Randomize
