There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
