my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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