You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
did you just send me my own nude
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
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I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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