I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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