You're so nebulous sometimes
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
