One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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