I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
