I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
