apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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