No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
