Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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