we have pet lesbian snakes
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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