she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
