We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
