When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
