well you can't waste a boner
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
