My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
