just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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