This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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