hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
