I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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