3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
