he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
pray to the hookup gods
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
