Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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