We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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