haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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